Those fucked up boys

I GOT RAPED, PEER PRESSURED, MOLESTED, ABUSED MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY! All the boys hurt me so deeply that it haunts me to this day. I have nightmares about it. BUT I HAVE MADE IT OUT! I am married to a man who is gentle and is rock-solid. He has shown me how I am supposed to be treated. So, what I say to all of the stuff that has happened in the past relationships…

FUCK YOU!

I am not going to let it control my mind anymore. I can’t let it anymore. I will forever remember, but I will not let it take control anymore.

We will refer to this first fucked up boy as "N." "N" was a light for her in the beginning. She loved this boy. He was kind and gentle at first. He got her so in love with him that he let out his true colors. "N" brainwashed her. He made her have sex when she didn’t want to. He made her do things to him that she did NOT WANT TO DO! "N" cheated and gaslighted her into thinking it was her fault. "N" left her dry and empty. When she looks back at her relationship with "N," she tries to remember all the laughs and fun memories, but it is hard. "N" made her believe that she was just broken and paranoid. "N" had beautiful curly hair and the prettiest brown eyes. He would take her into the forest and enjoy nature. He would play nice until she was pulled in so deep, then he would turn. When she would confront him, he would tell her that she was overreacting, and she was just confused. When he left her life, she went on to "K," who was deeply in love with her. He was someone new. She thought it was her way out of the family curse. She walked out of one tunnel into another."K" was kind and gentle, but he was broken. He was addicted and dragged her down into it. She fell into the trap. She spent the whole summer of that year in the middle of nowhere. She thought it was the right choice. She was finally away from her family, but that house was its own curse. She was trapped. It took her a while, but she found her escape. He gaslighted her into thinking it was all her fault. That she was a horrible person to leave him. She beat herself up for it. The night she left that toxic house, she was terrified. The surrounding area was covered with his curse. She crawled out of that hole and got dragged into another. “A” destroyed the last bit of herself that she had left. He manipulated her into doing things she did NOT WANT TO DO! History repeated itself. “A” used her variability against her. N, K, and A all mentally and physically abused her. Raped, hit, gaslighted, hid her. She was told to stay with them and never leave. She screamed for HELP! NO ONE WAS THERE!

It was not until she saw the light in front of her that she pulled herself to him. He grabbed her hand and dragged her out. He promised to protect her from now on. She wasn’t sure she could trust him, but he blocked the arrows from hitting her. He shows her the true love and protection she needs. He gets down in the mud with her. He sits there when she is at her lowest and is the punching bag she needs. He stands up when she wants backup. He became the love she always needed.