The Pain Left Behind

I have always been full of feelings. I know I have talked about my scenario of death before, but I still think about it every day. I think about stepping in front of traffic and just letting it take me. I think about taking pills or using that knife. I don’t think I can turn those thoughts off. It is forever sketched into my brain, but I get up every day. I have the thoughts, but not the guts to commit. I go to bed at night and wake up every morning, and move forward. I interact with people even though I just want to scream into their faces because I am just so exhausted. I try to make myself believe I am getting better just so others see that I am “not a risk.” I still feel the pain that is left behind.