My Heart Has A Hole

Seeing you slowly die in front of me was the hardest thing I have done. You were just six years old. Hearing them tell me that your lungs and heart have failed broke me. Ever since you left my arms one last time, I haven’t been the same. There is this giant hole inside me. I’m lost without you. You were my other half, Ash Grey. I know people will think I’m crazy, but you were my baby. When you opened your eyes for the first time, you saw me. When you closed your eyes for the last time, you saw me.

I just miss you so much. I can’t help but wonder if I could’ve saved you. I had to watch you die in front of me. We couldn’t afford all the fancy treatments. Perhaps you would still be here if I had worked harder. If I had pulled you out of that dark place sooner, maybe you would’ve been healthier. I really tried, Ash. I tried so hard for you. But I feel I have failed you.

I just want to hold you one last time, Ash. I keep on repeating every moment with you, so I don’t ever forget you. You were my love, my soul, my baby. You saved me from the darkest places in my life. But now I’m on this new dark journey without you. What do I do without you?

Sincerely, R.R.