The Family Curse

I’m so fucking tired. I was born into chaos. I was born in a year that everyone thought the world would end. My father was mentally not stable, and he left to “fix” himself, but when he came back it was too late for him to fix the relationship that was already broken. He has spent my entire life trying to find that bond with me, but it is not there. My mother was a victim of abuse from her family that she left behind. But that curse was generational, and it passed to her daughters. I was always an “emotional” child, as they say. They called me the crybaby. They said that I will never go anywhere because of my emotions. They said I had no reason to be upset. They told me I was “over-dramatic.” MY WHOLE GOD DAMN FAMILY TOLD ME THAT! I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR THEM! I have spent my whole life trying to put smiles on my family's faces, and in return, they scream and push me to the side. AND I AM STUCK IN THIS GOD DAMN HOUSE! I CAN’T LEAVE THEM BECAUSE I HAVE NO HOME TO GO TO!

So, I go to therapy and try to “get” through it. But I am stuck. I won’t get better until I leave this place and leave this family. THEY HURT ME SO DEEPLY THERE IS NO WAY, THEY CAN FIX IT! I need to leave this place to figure out who I am under all this pain. I will raise my new family away from this chaos. I will not put my future children in this position where they feel they must hide their thoughts when I am across the hall. I will not let them have the burden of my burdens. They will not let my children carry this curse. I end it here. I will leave this place. I am not letting my children be exposed to this cursed family.

A girl’s memories of her family should not be of crying and screaming. Her father pinned her to the countertops to wash her hair. Her father screamed at her. He didn’t get down to her level and asked her about her pain and thoughts. That’s all she wanted. Her mother let her body go. The mother, she went to when she was hurt and taught her to heal herself. She let go. She lives in the other room, slowly dying, and she can’t do anything. The mother you thought would help you when you were hurt is stone cold when the father doesn’t listen. The reason the girl was emotional wasn’t because she didn’t want to wash her hair or take medication. It was because she was scared. She needed you to get to her level and show her that it isn’t scary. WHY DIDN’T YOU MOM AND DAD? Do you guys know that this is what I remember from childhood? I don’t remember the “fun” moments. YOU SAID YOU HAVE RAISED GREAT DAUGHTERS! I am not great because of YOU! I am great because of ME, MYSELF, AND I. Now I sit here writing because I want to show you all what I had to go through to be myself. I want to show you what you did and allowed to happen. I don’t want apologies from any of you. I will not accept it. This is my goodbye to the past and the birth of my future. I will leave this mentally abusive family, and I will not let you do the same to my new family.

I hope that if or when you see this, you look back on your life and ask what you could’ve done better. I know many of you will hate me for this. What I say to that is “I DON’T CARE!”

I am going to take my own path now. I might be physically stuck with you right now, but I will be leaving and not returning to this cursed family. This is my goodbye to you all.